Is it weird that I read this item as:

Please tell me you danced like a fuckbeast the entire six and a half minutes of Closer.

This one wins cause I wanna know what you did when it got to the "I want to fuck you like an animal" part. And who gets seduced to NIN, anyway?!?

my husband and I tried to ask each other out and failed. it's still a funny story for us.

I have the perfect pickup routine. Treat a woman with respect and affection, genuinely care about her life, her interests and opinions, and offer yourself unconditionally to her.

"Crazed fuck beast" wow.

are you trying to have sex with me?

"Bitch you are ON A DATE" has to be the best pick-up line I've ever encountered. I'd never be able to pull it off myself, but if I were a woman I'd totally steal it.

My best pickup wasn't even mine. It was my kid's.

I would always go through the line of a particularly cute grocery clerk. One day, I heard him saying he got off work at 12:30 am. About 12:20, I went through his line with some beer and snacks. He said "What are you doing buying beer at midnight?" and I said "Inviting you over when you get off in 10 minutes." He came…

Is it just me, or do way too many of this week's stories involve mozzarella sticks?

Shoulda countered with "I might not be Allstate, but your ass'll be in good hands"

Me: *wandering around eating an order of mozerella sticks during O week in college* "GOD. I ate all these and now I don't feel like walking anywhere!"

On my fathers 50th birthday we threw him a surprise party. All eight of my siblings made the trip to be there and one of my younger brothers brought his then girlfriend and her cousin tagged along. I immediately noticed her gracefulness but at the time was going through the realization that I had failed at my chosen…

1994, suburbs of Chicago, summer before my senior year of high school. I'm a sexually frustrated 17 year old gay boy and my parents have left me home alone so I'm having a party - nothing outrageous - with my friends. My 18 year old girl friend has brought the 20 year old dude she's screwing around with and he - in…

This might not make sense to some Americans or Canadians, but it is a big deal for a English girl - specifically one from Manchester. It is my dirtiest, most shameful secret, and one that made even my husband look at me with disgust.

My ex husband never got that I was asking him out (we were teenagers), so I finally just told him to come to the movies with me and a big group of friends. And asked him to pick me up. We get to the movie and he's like, "...where's everyone else?"

I once tried to pick up an insanely cute guy at a bar on Halloween. I was dressed as Flo from the Progressive commercials and he kept telling me how cute I was. I left to go on stage at the event we were at, and when I returned, he was passed out on the bar.

Once, I went over to this guy's house and brought beer because he wasn't 21 yet and a DVD of 28 Days Later and we sat on couches across the room from each other and I just thought at him real hard to make a move. Eventually, he was like "Hey, um, are you trying to have sex with me?" and I was like "WHAT IF I AM."

I invited my now husband to a Judge Judy viewing party. Of course, I was too subtle in the pick-up and he didn't really realize that I was asking him out. Luckily he got his shit together.