"I wanted to go on a train ride but you're an airplane so make it a train or fuck you all."

omg laughing need more stories about coworker

How about cooking a meal for a family, and while out getting supplies with mom, she buys frozen dinners of the thing you are cooking to give to the kids "in case they don't like it". Cut to mom popping that shit in the oven right before dinner is ready to go in, thereby delaying real dinner for frozen penguin puke.

I love this story because when I was really little I had a habit of tossing travel-sized items in the cart and telling my grandmother that they were "free samples."

When I was very young and did not know about tipping, my parents took me to a place, and I notice there were some quarters on the table. And my parents laugh and tell me someone accidentally left this money. So, you know, if someone left it, I guess I could have it. And then my dad tells me if I touch the money a…

Eating a pint of ice cream by yourself is shameful, eating a quart in one sitting is just damn impressive.

This is the only thing my husband knows how to cook. He prefers jalapeno cream cheese, turkey bacon, and an everything bagel, specifically.

Mine cuts his far too short then they grow all all jagged and it makes me nervous about the things I know you think I'm probably nervous about with relation to his fingernails in relation to me.

LET'S DO IT. Also formaldehyde. It's supposedly in nail hardeners? I'm not scared of it (or anything else, for that matter, besides DEATH) but I've heard lots of talk about its dangers.

I'm just going to share this story from last Saturday. A good money-making night- the restaurant is packed, we're trying to turn over tables. Of course half of them are fucking campers. So when another 8 top of 40 something year olds roll in, I'm begging my manager to give them to me. Bright eyed and with an imaginary…

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE only use glue designed for nails. You can get it everywhere from Walgreens to Sally's. Using superglue is potentially very dangerous. Superglue is a methylcynoacrylate that can break down in water, turn yellow, is carcinogenic, and is not intended for use on the human body.

I am gonna guess it comes from being spoiled by their parents. Rather than being told "You will eat the spaghetti cause that is all the food there is", their mom would probably go out and buy them some damn chicken nuggets if they demanded them just because they asked. So now they expect the whole world to cater to…

IKR. I have one coworker who every day gets a complicated order from Starbucks ("venti skinny cinnamon dulce latte", I believe) but she literally has no idea what any of the words mean (ok, except cinnamon). Her friend told her once, over 10 years ago, that it was a good drink and so she just memorized the words…

Imagine if they wanted their coleslaw freshly squeezed.

Ham and cream cheese omelet is going to be my new vengeance food.

The customer is always right! If they tell you to grill it until it's tender, you grill that shit until its fucking tender, asshole!

Obviously the steak fajitas had not been grilled enough. The longer you grill them, the more tender they become. Look it up.

Monogrammed Thermosery