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I'd totally turn up groomed to their specifications but with a fully unwaxed upper lip. I'd look like a Swedish '70s porn star with tasteful neutral makeup and a perfectly teal dress.

Gurl, I also have natural and often-perplexing light orange hair, and coral looks AMAZING on sisters like us.

Fuck, if I can't wear my makeup like Nicki Minaj this fucking sorority can suck it.

i got blacklisted from the sororities at my ultra rich private southern university because i made out drunkenly with two dudes the first friday night of college. They thought i was too slutty. Damn right i was slutty and proud, lol. Sororities at my school didnt allow dancing on tabletops so jokes on them cuz i had…

If you don't change those pearls, I will stop you, and i will change them for you myself.

"Do you like the snacks? Does your snack taste good? The shade of my shirt is Lagoon Breeze. WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER SNACK??"

I'm sorry but you're wearing the wrong shade of pearls, I'm going to need you to go home and change ASAP.

I...what? What can be a great conversation starter?

My ass is incredibly hagtastic though, please don't ever doubt that

I mean, if my friends want so bad to be with me, they better damn follow my 400 page book of rules, pay dues, or the result will be paddlin'. I would never kick them out of Dee Kappa Special people, I mean how can you do that to your friends, but they will have to be punished. And a paddle on the bottom sounds like…

butterfly by mariah is actually about my presence on the internet

I also am a sorority alum. My sorority did none of the above (and was actually (substantially - $3000+/year) cheaper than living in the dorms and comparable in cost to living off-campus near the school) but I don't need to get defensive or defend all of Greek life because the bad ones are being called out. They should …

Gross.

As a male and a photography professor who is currently reading this after just finishing teaching my Intro to Photography course, I'd tear into any student who brought this degrading and immature work into class. Yet alone tried to defend it with the same trite diatribe about "female empowerment" that every low budget…

Ooh, Diminuitive Cunt. Good band name.

If you can get off in any way during a commercial break for The Bachelor you're the best at sex of anyone.

All good dancers read the labels.

I do not watch this show....however, I am very curious to find out why Jimmy Kimmel is giving this man a rub down in the shower.