When I was around 19 I rescued a kitten from a grocery store parking lot in Phoenix. I named him Tofu (I wasn't vegan then, I just thought it was a cute name). That kitten was soooo chill. Unfortunately I became ill and my parents sent my brother to drag me back to Colorado. We packed my things and shipped them on the…

Sorry if the photo is sideways.

So this is weird, but I had a cat growing up that was so chill, I could take it for bike rides. As in, I would put my cat in a doll dress and hat, hold it under my arm, and ride my bicycle in a weaving fashion for blocks and blocks. And the cat just went with it. I did it all the time. Olivia Benson the Scottish Fold…

Theory 1: Taylor Swift is a witch (mostly likely a good witch) and Olivia Benson is her familiar.

My cat (moo) is the most docile animal i've ever known. Hes a persian himalayan mix and he is TOTALLY chill to be carried around. He doesnt freak out in the cat carier or going to the vet or taking baths. He is basically just mellow.

A neighbor down the street from me walks his cat every evening. Without a leash. In Oakland. And the cat walks purrfetly calmly by its owner legs, and stops at every intersection on command, just like a well-trained dog. This has been going on for years. Never seen anything like it before in my life. PS- appears to be…

I think this really shows the difference in temperament in purebred cats vs regular mutts. Most cats have a lot of feral cat DNA in them (after all, they're likely to be unneutered/spayed), but purebreds don't, obviously. Of course, the chill temperaments don't outweigh all the health problems that come with being…

Not to derail from this important piece of investigative journalism, but can we just talk about how fucking great Tara Jacoby is. Her art with your words, Madeleine. It's perfection. OMG-4567!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I, too, own notoriously chill (giant) cats. They like to go outside, just to go sit in the car. Then, they go back in. My dad has been trying to teach them to climb trees, and they are having none of it. They stay in the yard, because the world is frightening to them.

He does! After seeing the movie he still came to my friend's party the same night and watched me tell jokes.

Pffft! Amateur!

Grandma Pines approved.

A duct tape hat? We're at the beach, Adam. Let me see that tape, I'll show you how it's done.

That's like saying a maxi pad is a swimsuit. Either way...

So, can I Saran Wrap my vag and call it a day? Or nah?

A sock would be more erotic. A wet unnaturally grey Fruit of the Loom sock that got trapped in the drum of the washing machine, which I pulled out with a rusty wire, would be more erotic.

Okay, so now we know the aliens can't read his penises mind. That's all I can see.

A reporter dared ask Vulvatron, the new frontwoman of GWAR, whom she slept with to get into the band. Her response was simply lovely: