When asked to comment, Bill Pulsipher reported he was just happy to be asked to comment.

Double taper

+1 Charlie Steiner suffocating from laughter.

(Those on-field anthems aren’t always live.)

Where can I write in Basebally McBaseballface?

Goop sex is where, after finishing, you take the bodily fluids that result, smear them on your taint and drag it across the floor a la butt scoot so you leave a trail like a snail.

Hey Man, Nice Comment

Most Depressing Video Ever

Some people in the greys are boring liberal scolds like myself, who enjoy Old World wine, Multicultural Cuisine, Australian-style Gun Control, and being completely ignored in the Deadspin comment section.

The kids call him “G-d Shammg-d.”

Curt Schilling being decent and making sense just makes the other 95% of the times we hear from him that much more aggravating.

I’m surprised. He sounds more like an axe murderer to me.

“TL;DR”

Count the motherfucking clauses in that sentence. Forget the horrifying shit show that was the topic, any editor who let that damn clusterfuck out the door should be fired on the spot for that alone.

Jennry Moop

Nah, he just really hates the Barenaked Ladies.

... so much haight.

+1 Rubicon crossed

You wouldn’t be such a Doubting Barry if you ordered @Dominos and stayed #HomeOnNYE as instructed.

This is an outrageous overreach by the government. Does Montgomery County have a rural government building that can be taken over? I promised my family I’d be around for MLK day, but supporting our constitutional right to backyard hockey is more important. I have two days’ worth of supplies. Meet you guys there.