I must have been on the cusp of a cycle or a no-hitter during my entire baseball career as a kid because none of my teammates ever spoke to me.

Which followed Michael Douglas being de-aged in Ant-Man.

I believe the Moldovan President had a speech prepared in the event the kid fell on his head and died.

There are few to no Mexican food places in Texas, there are only Tex-Mex. Here’s the giveaway: if they offer Queso, it’s not Mexican food they’re offering.

I mean, that’s science, the ears emit the most sound of all our holes.

Yes, Johnson has promised that Britain will leave the EU on 31 October. But he’s also fathered at least one love child during an affair, and a rumoured second. You obviously can’t trust him when he says he’ll pull out on time.

Christopher Plummer waits patiently by his phone. He doesn’t want the role, but Broadway needs him, and he’ll never abandon her. Never.

It’s like seeing into the future

Wow, someone never played the game and is a whiny bitch.

That sentence defuriated me.

I once got a ball at a basketball game. Southwest Conference women’s basketball tournament semifinals at Reunion Arena. I’m in the front row. Game ends. Ball comes rolling my way. I had my backpack. I casually put it in there. No one notices surprisingly. My friend and I walk to the car in between games and put the…

Under getting hit by a bus made of javelins.

I even searched ‘disc dogs’ just in case, and nada.

I am going to say yes, because it was the Washington Nationals.

I think getting hit by a stray javelin would be pretty exciting. Maybe not in a good way, but you’d definitely take notice.

/scrolls down, scrolls down, scrolls down...”Large Marge Large Marge Lar...Woo-hoo! Large Marge!”

Thank you for your contribution to our society.

Designed so that you can put pictures of your friends and family in it, then cover them up with the things you really love in life.

Designed so that you can put pictures of your friends and family in it, then cover them up with the things you…

Too bad, I was kind of excited to go to that game.