What are the odds this is a bet between Stewart and Ian McKellan? If true, we’ll probably soon see McKellan running up and down Regent Street, dressed up as Anne Boleyn by way of forfeit.

Am I the only one who wonders how he got from that song to a car insurance commercial?

On the other side, Memphis Depay hasn’t played for Manchester United for over a month because he’s shit.

If you take his name Dom Tullipso and change the l’s to z’s you get Dom Tuzzipso. A u looks like of like an a, so now its Dom Tazzipso. Do you see the word “pizza” in there backwards. BACKwards. Like the BACK room at Comet Ping Pong? IT ALL FITS!

Now we at least know Tucker Carlson can sink a layup.

DNGLBRY

It’s Wag the Dog all over again!

I don’t see what’s so offensive about the Women’s Equal Trade Fellowship of Anaheim, Rosemead, and Torrance.

[Aladdin:]
Gotta keep
One jump ahead of the breadline
One swing ahead of the sword
I steal only what I can’t afford
(That’s Everything!)

One jump ahead of the lawmen
That’s all, and that’s no joke
These guys don’t appreciate I’m broke

[Crowd:] Riffraff! Street rat! Soundrel! Take that!

[Aladdin:] Just a little snack, guys
[Crowd…

If Lindsay converts to Islam will she be kept out of the United States after this week?

No way Lindsay is into Islam. She likes to pork too much.

Or, more precisely, Citizen Kane.

He’s tweeting, he’s occasionally visiting the two restaurants he likes, and he literally doesn’t get outside even to glimpse the sun:

The kids would have to take off their suits to play. Only losers take off their suits.

Don’t be silly.

The Great Goblin at least had a sensible ecnonomic plan.

That outa do it?!

The problem is, nearly every car looks awesome to a ground hog. I think all auto shots should be taken from angles that correspond to what passers by and other motorists actually see. A flattering photo makes you think a car looks like this:

Ms. Crowley, you won’t see the White House
Ms. Crowley, it now belongs to the louse
Approaching a time that is tragic
He hears the Russins’ call
Approaching a time that is drastic
Peeing with their backs to the wall