When dealing with banks and trying to run down old records, I always get tickled when they say “oh, we don’t have statements going back that far.”

“These guys are going to work like we do every day and all they want to feel respect and appreciation, and when you go to work and you don’t feel either one of those, you get depressed...”

he screams at her until she cries. she doesn't owe him shit.

Do It For Me

[extremely Elton John voice] get that, chonky cat

Why are we doing this in 2019?

So basically an Italian empanada? Sounds good to me.

He wasn’t even selling the damn cigarettes which means they could have just left him alone but they wanted to show off the size of their dicks.

If only it were Billy Mays

“HI, PHIL SWIFT HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE MAGIC OF FLEX SEAL!”

This is so delicious it must be fattening...

No lowballers, I know what I have

Only a little water damage.

Ran when parked.

It’s to the death, it doesn’t get more competitive than that.

Taco Hell?

Agreed with everything you said except: Trump didn’t unleash The Delusion of White Supremacy™. Since this country’s inception, whites have deluded themselves about the evil they do and the other whites have bought into The Lie Agreed Upon’™.

I suppose the reasons include (1) the fact that they keep reposting the original with its comments; and (2) it was a pretty dumb comment to begin with.

I suppose the reasons include (1) the fact that they keep reposting the original with its comments; and (2) it was a…

I’ve been saying all along that Left Shark was some guy... nice to be vindicated for once. I’m some guy myself, and we know our own. 

That's all fine and good, but ignores completely the dangers and problems with alcohol that are rampant in this country. 3-ish month ago I wouldn't have typed that sentence.