ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING. GET OUT. I DON’T HAVE TIME WATCH THIS ELEVENTY HUNDRED TIMES.

“Excuse me, ma’am? Ma’am!? Do you have a minute to discuss ethics in gaming journalism?” MA’AM?!?”

Well, then the Internet source I used was wrong. Imagine getting incorrect information from the Internet. I didn’t think that was possible. VBG

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

My aunt “has” Morgellons. I “had” something similar in 2010. I was obsessed with ingrown hairs, to the point that I believed I had almost twice as much hair as I actually had, but it was ‘trapped’ under the skin of my scalp and therefore I had to free it with my fingernails. I waxed all the skin off my chin because I…

Me during the popcorn story

List of approved items;

Maddie is talented, but she has one facial expression that she uses for every emotion — I call it "hay fever — that she is encouraged to use and praised for. I am in no way claiming she couldn't do more, but since she is told she is awesome for the one, I see why she feels no need to branch out.

My favorite: I was in a car accident and my pill bottle flew out of the window

I once was addicted to painkillers. I found that telling the Dr. I was out because I took more than I was supposed to got me an early refill/dose increase instead of making something up. He wasn't the best Dr. in the world though either....

I honestly am paranoid that I will knock over my medication and it will all go down the drain, necessitating a call to my doctor, who would probably believe me, but still. I close the drain when it is time to take a xanax. Anxiety. I gots it.

ummm, so how does everyone hate candy corn?!?!?!?

Candy corn is good!

I had a roommate who was supposed to go to a going away party for someone she didn't particularly give a shit about, so the excuse she gave? "I have to wash my sneakers."

"The only reason I don't have a hard-on is because I had a Snickers earlier today!"

None of that is as bad as his trying to equate his STI with your having been raped. Shame on him.

It can go either way? If someone cheats on your with someone not of your sex, depending on the dude you can either feel a) is there something about me that makes me think 'almost dude'? or you can think b) well, obviously I am still hot af and you just want the D.

He said I made "choices" that resulted in a rape back in college, and that was the last time I spoke to him.