Alderson: “We’ll handle this internally”

Meanwhile, in response to the National Defense Authorization Act, the Indianapolis Colts have drafted two more wide receivers and signed Roger Craig to a 3 yr guaranteed deal.

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Meh, I pretty much assume that most white men in Kentucky worship figures in pointy white hats waaaay more the rest of us.

There’s really no question as to which one is the pitcher.

Torts- “Wait, wait, Jennifer, I’m pretty hip to this stuff and I think I know how to answer it. Let’s see, the player with the biggest jock is Boyle, so I’d definitely fuck him. OK... man this is tough. I guess I can’t marry my mom, so that means I’ll have to marry Flipper and kill mom. Ha, whoops, sorry mom! Did I…

[sigh]

The funny thing about the “I know you are just making a joke on a blog post but I am something of a vast dispenser of self-proclaimed truth that I feel is necessary to point out in a serious and non-funny way” narrative is nothing. Absolutely nothing.

James Harden: [clumsily elbows, shuffles, and sidesteps way through crowd]

This is the face of a man who wears a headset for the sole purpose of continuously pumping Van Halen’s ‘Eruption’ into his earhole throughout the entire game.

A friend of mine had a Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine and would make Pedialyte Sno-Cones for hangover cures. If you can handle the noise and effort of making them, they are an absolute godsend for Pedialyte/hydration and are gloriously less harsh than drinking Pedialyte neat. It’s the best hangover cure I’ve ever encountered.

Babe Laufenberg

This sounds bad, but the Russian judge is only planning to dock him a half point for a minor infraction.

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4. Tastes Like Burning. We spiked this IPA with more habanero than anyone could possibly want.

Reporter: “Coach, could you be more specific?”

Call him nostalgic, but the dad just wanted his kid to experience a doubleheader at the old ballpark.

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