OH. MY. GOD. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

I think I've seen that movie.

"And both girls died in a car accident on prom night" is what really did me in.

I just got my period today so I am awash in hormones but for real, I'm taking this totally personally, like this email was addressed to wavy-haired, nail-polish & spanx-free-me with a P.S. to my less than perfect eyebrows. I...I feel like a cavewoman comparing my life in college to these creatures of comfort. I was…

I wore spanx on my wedding day because everyone said I should. Honestly though, I don't feel like it did anything for me beside make me feel really self conscious about the small bulges it created at my ribs and thighs. I probably wore the wrong one but wtf did I know? I was 22 and not anything close to girly enough…

All I need is for the Spice Girls to secure their residency (since they are in talks) and for Beyoncé to stop playing with the media about her uterus and do a Vegas residency and my gay life will be complete!

Maybe off topic, but a few months ago I decided I would stop using my real name when posting comments on Hacker News, and I switched to a typical Anglo-Saxon female name. And holy hell, it is ridiculous how much I get downvoted now. As near as I can tell, I'm still writing fairly intelligent comments. They just don't…

I actually clapped my hands and squealed in delight. And then I remember he's married and there's a woman out there who gets to have that ANY TIME SHE WANTS.

Chris > Liam and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

I have never gotten the CHemsworth love until now. Who knew all it took was him dressed like a banker at 9 PM, after a long hard day at the bank.

That works on so many levels

At this point in time, I just have the image bookmarked as a reply anytime anyone tries to use Jesus to justify their own bigotry.

I AM A CHEESECAKE EXPERT. I have been certified by the Board of Cheesecake Authority in 49 states and I am also licensed by the International Cheesecake Association which is based in France. During my esteemed career, I have overseen at least three-dozen cheesecake-related disputes (including the infamous "That Time…

People, just don't be dicks. Is it seriously this hard to do that? Seriously? Ugh. People make me very stabby sometimes.

Please note (as MsM did in a comment below) that Enron was her client during the criminal probe into its practices. She was not investigating Enron—she was defending it.

No one believes me when I tell them this, but I saw him washing a homeless man's feet. At Project Homeless Connect, a periodic homeless services bonanza he started in SF, there was a foot-care station, and at one of the early events he volunteered there and washed people's feet. Sure, he also banged his friend's…

Kamala's got it in a walk, Gavin's got the Governorship. Hi, new kids.

We already literally spread the wealth around. We give more money to the federal government than we get back. All you red states in the middle and south are a buncha takers, reliant on government handouts.

I feel like California's been hogging all the good Democratic candidates lately. WTF, California, spread the wealth around.

Women have body hair?! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.