The Real Harry TM is much, much better than that fake Harry guy. He was a wet noodle.

The rest of Canada apologises

You just don't understand how gritty and serious and gritty and gritty they are. I mean, duh. They're for adults. Adults. Any fun or bright colors might indicate kids are part of the expected demographic for this movie.

A bland, colorless costume to fit the bland, colorless aesthetic of the bland, colorless cinematic universe DC is trying to craft. Fitting.

I feel the same way. Equinox is great, Funkwerks is great. The only people I give more side eye to than the locals who say NB is their favorite brewery are the locals who say Fort Collins Brewery is their favorite brewery.

How could you not gag? Those things are huge!

Uhm, I think I know what a garlic shoot, daikon, and lotus root are. (insert eye roll) But could you please explain to me what you mean by "vegetable"?!?

I like when the guy tries to save his mistake about the blind guy by yelling, "GLUTEN FREE!"

He goes "No, I KNOW what tempura is, what's THAT?"

We're driving in the car and of course I text and drive

Hetero-sexist is a redundant term. Don't stoop to their level of mistakes!

"straight-sized" is a very heterosexist term.

Dornan with beard is way hotter than without (almost everyone is) but, that said, clean-cut, boring dude in suit TOTALLY looks more like the guy who will jizz his mommy issues all over you and talk nonstop about his fucking contract.

He is pretty damn insane for the first season at least, though. Doesn't he

Turnabout is fair play, so...

"I'm a girl but I'm...like...a COOL girl."

I warn you that I will take my cues from my cat, and ululate the song of my people at the top of my lungs beginning at 4:30 a.m. until such time as I am fed.

As a heterosexual, married male, I must offer two responses to this article:

First, the positive: Thank you for the laugh. This was one of the most insightful, witty, cutting articles I've read in a long time—and it had me howling, until...

Second, the negative: I have realized I know far too many men—and far too many…