I'm fine with a little beef in my taint—I just don't like taint in my beef, AMIRITE LADIES!!?!?!?!?!?!!? [crumples to floor, face twisted in silent scream]

So what you're saying is, I should just go to Taco Bell, because that's not food. Isn't that what you're saying?

Not all food.

Makes sense to me, given that this is their new hamburger character:

I don't appreciate how no one seems to recognize the quality of the Jay-Z, impersonation. Just close your eyes and its 99% 'Hova.

Here's a Hiddleston only clip.

I'm gonna guess he found it because he somehow found a way to cheat at CAH

Jay Pharoah is brilliant!!

I thought that was supposed to be Clinton? Either way: SHUT UP, BONO.

He does great impressions. I love Jay

They really aren't known for their clams.

Joan did go...where Kim and Khloe had her moved.

It was actually the NBCUniversal upfronts, solely for the cable nets and not NBC broadcast.

I will give Miley credit for possibly taking her detractors' suggestions and actually brushing her tongue. It looks a lot cleaner and healthier than usual! (I'm trying.)

bye-o-pick and my-ah-pick, I'm pretty sure.

DODAI! Is this THE BEST Selfie Lathing EVER!?!?! I am so glad that you follow these instagrams so I don't have to.

Why? No one has fucked Tebow 1.0 yet.

why are you all spelling masturbation wrong? is this like some colour/color thing??!?!!?

Yes, many of those are great! But I want to see more bare skin, you know? I want to see nice hairy, shapely calves. I love calves. Ok. Too early for this, I'll show myself out.