Oh my goodness, of course he did! What a gentleman. Also, I still can't handle the fact that penis cozies are very real.

To EVERYTHING, but especially the track suit with butt words. What is this, 2004?

Okay, but a little knit cap would be way cuter. Also, washable. You know, for the environment.

Oh man, for a minute I got him mixed up with series 1 and 2 Chris...Womp. I loved him.

This is all well and good but what about a potion to make my face look like Jessica Brown Findlay's? Because while I find myself to be an attractive lady, almost every single time she's onscreen I find myself literally gasping.

I did not know that but it's so unsurprising I can barely muster an "ugh."

Man, back when I was 11 and my parents made me watch Survivor with them for one season she was my fave. What a preteen idiot I was.

"I have never once had I Know What Boys Like spontaneously spring into my head as I purchased a multi pack of OB tampons at my local Duane Reade."

Are you my long-lost sister because verbatim my mom has said that to me on multiple occasions. Personally I love my long feet and toes because I think they're elegant but for a while I definitely had a complex. Now when she says that I just make fun of her club feet and slink away on my flippers. WHATEVER, MOM.

"I want to be able to scratch myself, curse and play like the barbarian I am. Give me one court and leave me alone."

Uggghhh, ick. That certainly helps, thank you very much!

Yeah...that kind of explains it then.

I've recently developed a crazy, raging lady boner for Jim Carrey. His character in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind made me go slightly aquiver but for some reason these days I am REALLY feeling him. Why? Does anyone know? Is there a cure? Please advise.

HUMBLEBRAG ALERT.

This cannot be real.

WHY IS THE FONT SO LITTLE AHHHH. I wish it was like 26 points larger.

It is a blessing and a curse. I've had to un-friend many an idiot but I also got to witness the transformation of a girl I knew in high school who was a self-professed "bimbo" into a thoughtful and socially active feminist, all through the power of women's studies. It's probably way too gratifying for me, an outside…

She looks like a cartoon version of AnnaSophia Robb. That is all I can see now.

That man can do no wrong.

I know!!! Beige isn't my normal type but daaaaamn.