I was going to go with "...imagine the socio-economic and cultural implications of allowing this man to serve only a two-game suspension for striking a woman whilst banning for a year a habitual smoker of marijuana" but yes, "finish a goddamned sentence" works as well.

[Ray and Janay Rice walk into the commissioners office to find Goodell sitting in a large ornate chair]

Bird: Don't get too close guys. I heard you can die from contact.

Dear future grandchildren: I don't care where you take your selfies, which includes next to my dead body in a casket. Celebrate the fact that you are alive. If nothing else, we're all going to point at you and laugh.

+1.6 or something. I don't know.

There can be no doubt Dunbar is telling the truth about what happened. When it comes to fighting, or indeed any other subject, Americans are notorious for their difficulty understanding, let alone countering, Dmetrique's system.

Oh come on. The guy said "I will shoot you if you don't give me the phone" and she didn't give him the phone. She could have given him the phone. Just give him the damn phone!

(non-verbal)

If this lackluster Excelmanship is any indication, this is a man who lacks passion.

I use a similar spreadsheet, except column A is formatted YYYY.

So it's a vagina?

Fart Bottle Roulette when your team is going to back-to-back World Series: a sign of camaraderie and how these guys laugh at the stress and tension in their jobs

I wish the Rangers would play a game called baseball.

"Let me tell you about my diabeetus."

Maybe it's just me, but I'm singing "fart bottle roulette" to the tune of Prince's "Raspberry Beret." Now it's stuck in your head. You're welcome.

"Yes, I do comment on Jezebel. How did you guess?"

Holland? I would have guessed he was more of a Dutch Oven kind of guy.

Everyone laughs until you see a DL15 (Pink Eye) in your fantasy team roster.

Bullshit. Women's equality and all that shit....but if you hit a man, you'd damn well better expect to be hit back.

dude hits girl: kicked off team