Holy shit. I didn’t understand the article. I didn’t understand the Kimmel video. I didn’t understand the comments. Is this what they mean when they say good Kinja?

Ted Cruz had an affair with “You’ve Been Named Amanda” and her sister, “You Were Named Amanda”? Not only would that get confusing, but those names are quite a mouthful to scream during orgasm.

In terms of comedic impact, the title’s reference to “Jim Rome’s Set” was as funny as it got.

Fuck all of you people! Shepherd is an artist! She has vision! Lots and lots of...vision. Plural vision...so visions! Truly hallucinatory visions that involve ouroboros...and other fancy words like cachet. And VC money. And Dev Hynes. And...toilet.

I’m even more surprised that two of them were named Kyle (with one of them bearing the somewhat elegant surname Bonsignore).

Holy shit. It’s my former neighbor, Dwayne! I wondered what became of him (once I became aware that I hadn’t seen him in four years).

I get the humor behind 26 of these 27 items. I’m drawing a blank on the one about Room being his second favorite movie. Please educate me.

“The more you tighten your grip, Bieber, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”

C’mon. We all know that The School Compnay is slang for the CIA. This is some duplicitous shit. Thanks, Obama! (Oh, I mean, “Cara.”)

I guess you had to be there.

There was a whole lotta Gooberage going on behind McCaffrey. Keeee-rist, who let the dogs out, indeed?

LOVE that photo of her at the start of the post. People with vampire teeth shouldn’t throw stones, and all that.

So Adrian Grenier has been suffocatingly cute since childhood? Of course he has. Fucker!

Clearly NOT a photo of Taylor Swift. This person has an actual, sincere smile on her face. Taylor is incapable of any facial expression other than pinched sphincter constipation.

I fucking HATE Bradley. A brief shitstorm is well worth the price of getting him ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I’m seeing more of a cross between Christopher Walken and Louie Anderson.

I will pay $1,000 to any reporter who rips that stupid, fucking cap off Brady’s head.

“Do you have a toy monkey? A toy monkey! You know what that means? You get to be the monkey in the house!”

So the fact that you caught your own typo...does that means you are a one who is now acting like a zero trying to be a one? Or does it mean you were trying to be a one by pointing out someone else’s typo, but ended up being a zero due to your own typo, which you then caught to reinstate your oneness? Did you stage…

In all honesty, I think Kilmeade is just too fucking stupid to attempt a subtle racial comment. And by fucking stupid, I mean, impersonating Forrest Gump in the middle of a cooking demonstration about peach cobbler with questions about Kool-Aid.