Chip Kelly isn't racist, people. His giant posterboard play cards feature all of the Jeffersons.

NCAA Rules Violations, Student-Athlete Code of Conduct, 12.32.1-8

+1

Olympic historian, the late Prof. David Young, argued vigorously against "the myth of amateurism" in the 1980s, and he's partially responsible for the U.S. allowing professional athletes to compete:

This happened to me a few years ago, where, due to some unfortunate circumstances involving alcohol, marijuana, and my idiot neighbor Gary somehow having a key to my house, my wife fucked my idiot neighbor Gary while I was out on a beer and weed run. And the really fucked up part of all of this is that my name isn't…

Fantastic. +1

Lupul: [skates forward]
Lupul: [skates backward]
Lupul: [skates forward]
Lupul: [skates backward]
Lupul: [skates forward]
Lupul: [skates backward]
Lupul: [skates forward]
Lupul: [skates backward]
Lupul: [looking around, growing furious]
Lupul: [skates forward]
Lupul: [skates backward]
Lupul: [skates forward]
Lupul: [skates…

With hard-hitting, critical inquiries such as these, I'm appalled that these lofty-nosed professional athletes appear to openly despise American sports media.

Hayne looks forward to the opportunity "to compete for crushing brain injury while somehow insulated from said injury by the world's most protective helmets."

"Okay, A.J. Pierzynski, on the count of three. One, two, three ..." [click]

I'm all for compassion and charitable selflessness, but playing baseball with your pet groundhog lashed to your face seems a little overboard.

+1

Moron. +1

Good lord. +1

Pete Prisco (CBS Sports dot com) to Outdoor Life for 15 interns and a year's supply of freeze-dried deer jerky.

Peter King (SI/MMQB) to The Sumter Item, Sumter, SC's premiere print and digital news-gathering outlet.

+1

"Oh, no. Not the CIA. I'd like to go into a field with a wide, if dubious, breadth of jurisdictional purview, contract pay for shady dealings not wholly under organizational oversight, and conveniently localized incompetence when dealing with highly questionable investigative incidents. I'm thinking the NFL security…

I'm having trouble concentrating on reading at the moment due to the deafening screams of a thousand man babies droning on and on about their juvenile understanding of "freedom of information."