Alright, we get it. It’s an ESPN metaphor. 

At least the bullshit is over. If anyone spends money on tickets for this shitshow, it is to get garlic fries and overpriced beer. Nobody could possibly be expecting entertaining baseball. At least, entertaining in a good way.

T-minus two months until we find out that Patrick Mahomes is the real El Chapo

It is kind of amazing that it turns out that Kelce is the high-character guy out of the bunch.

You motherfucker, take your star and die!

Goddamn, man. This being Deadspin, I want to make a joke...but I just can’t; nothing about child abuse is humerus.

This is tragic. I had that kid on my fantasy team. 

Is it time to think about abolishing football? I’m all for it, mostly just to stick it to Browns fans when they’re at their most hopeful and vulnerable. 

they don’t get “free rides.” In the Ivy’s they don’t get scholarships at all. At schools that do give scholarships, most in Tennis and Soccer, if they do get athletic scholarships, aren’t getting full scholarships due to the equivalency limits. This is about preferential treatment in admission.

Witnesses described the man as “funny lookin.”

Go Bears.

Authorities just released a photo of the two guys William H. Macy met with to start this process:

The guy didn't seem that downbeat to me. 

The real dummy here is the 1st base coach. You had one job, buddy.

“Do you know how many nights he cried when he lost this year? Do you know how many times I had to put him to bed crying?”

This is ridiculous. Kids don’t belong in locker rooms or at press conferences. Ask Steph Curry.

“Labeled a cheat”? Uh...he did cheat and got caught, twice. Moron.

Alex Rodriguez marrying JLo quite possibly completes the greatest personal brand comeback story we’ve ever seen.

I asked Mrs. Pencil what she ever did for my brand. She made me CEO of the sofa.

Though he does seem to really enjoy being in the red zone...