People who do this to animals don't tend to have qualms about doing it to people.

You have to be anti-sarcasm but pro-negativity and cynicism. I'm guessing because he has trouble getting sarcasm, like if you were like "This is a great list! You seem like a really cool guy!" he'd go, "Thank you for noticing, but you sound a little bit too positive for my tastes. Exclamation points are a total…

here's my sex spreadsheet

We're never going to be able to have nice things, are we?

I don't know anything about him, I'm not from the area, but I was rubbed the wrong way both by Rowan's question about "how do you prevent this from happening to other families" and his response of "don't let your teenage girls go to parties if you're not there." It just felt borderline victim blamey, or at least a set…

Dear Jada's mom: Holding her and loving her is one of the best things you can do right now. It's not "just" holding her. You helped her know that you love her and accept her, and I cannot—as a therapist and as a survivor—express with words how important that is. I wish I could give you a hug too. Everyone in your…

They do say that before electric light, people slept in two cycles — a few hours early, woke up and dicked around, then another few hours.

Not that I've watched the current seasons of any of the other shows, but THIS. If they weren't constantly reminding us that they're clones I would forget that it's the same actress.

I read the Chrissy Teigen quote as "I don't take yodeling very seriously." Which is crazy, because yodeling is intense.

'Her sole contribution to [my wank fantasies] was being a hot, big-boobed blonde bimbo'.

Hey Adrianne Curry! Too bad the asses Jenny has kicked are mostly those of babies dying of whooping cough. Oh, and measles too.

THERE IS NO SAFE SPACE FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU

Nope- that film is brilliant! sorry

I'm not even halfway done but I can tell you right now I've never laughed so hard at a movie review in my life. BLESS YOU, LINDY WEST.

oh fuck outta here with all of this usual "beach body shit" but this in particular makes me want to punt a small animal. THEY'RE ALL JUST NOT STANDING UP STRAIGHT.

All joking aside, I never get why people can't just contain themselves and not devolve into this embarrassing bullshit.

I know you know how much I also hate Guy Fieri, but I would eat that abomination and I would eat it all in one sitting, so help me God.

The Simpsons Forever, the Simpsons Always. Harry Potter can suck it. :P

This is how I feel about the Simpsons.

At first I thought he had been arrested on stage mid-musical, and now I am sorely disappointed.