You know something, Jon Snow.

Are we obligated by basic decency to learn the names of all victims of hideous crimes?

I'm scared of u sometimes and how u snap at me...You make me happy 90% of the time.

Yeah, I felt weird announcing it anywhere because sometimes I don't know how much of myself I should give to the internet. But I did put up a kind of oblique post about it on my tumblr and then, IDK, I'm just really excited and happy and I feel pretty comfortable with my little afternoon Dirt Bag crowd, so, yeah.…

actually, my betrothed!!!

IS THAT A THING!?!?

My ex said "You're the only person I know who yells "SHIT" every time the phone rings."

That's fucked up! I'm assuming they are people who have never tried OxyContin. Because for real!

Whenever I wear a woman's apron to cook dinner, it doesn't mean anything other than I can't find a man's apron in the closet.

Any news story relating to Pringles is being actively avoided right now.

Cats are Adorable. The End.

Wow, you have some seriously unusual standards if you look at that and think hideous. Ouch.

Gum is gross and mints rule. Fact.

I don't even know who J ax is but I'm a little bit in love with him now.

her lipstick is on point, but that eye makeup is some frosted nightmare straight out of my caboodle, age 10.

Only this one.

Nope.

Want very fast hot chocolate? Sure, use a microwave. Or put it on a stove, you lazy asshole.