The virus is only contagious when people are actively exhibiting symptoms. So if anyone seems like they have a really bad cold (which is kind of what it looks like at the onset), stay away from their bodily waste. Otherwise, feel free to fling things around to your heart's content.

I wouldn't call him a food genius. he's a likable guy with a passion for good cooking and a disarming lisp. he aint no Ferran Adrià.

I try civil cases before juries, so the potential jurors don't have the "death to criminals" or "fuck the police" options that can get them out of criminal cases. That said, the best way to get out of a civil jury is just be extreme in responding to the questions one way or another, so one side will strike you. That's…

Stick with it, because that horse got churned into glue.

Yeah yeah yeah, he didn't return the punt for a touchdown. But it was even better than a boring old punt return for a touchdown! He should've been taken down on at least three of those tackles!

Ok, please remember I have no idea who you are or what you look like, gender, or whatever, but...here is my best intentioned, hastily but thought out, comic. Just for you, the BEST type of superhero!

freedom haters.

If you were at my house and suggested this game I would stab you in the face. But in a nice way.

I have waited so long. SO LONG. So-crates!

So many things to tell..I will try to sum it up but it is going to get long and weird.

I went to a wedding as the guest of my boyfriend, so I didn't know too many people. The groom was softly sobbing as he waited at the altar. As the bride started down the aisle, he started wailing. When she reached him, his knees buckled and he fell down, rocking back and forth on his knees, sobbing like a baby. The…

When the music ended at the close of our reception, which was a fabulous time, my very drunk stepfather decided that the gay wedding guest my equally drunk mother had been mauling on the dance floor throughout the night should be the target of his Italian ire (how dare anyone go near his woman!!!). So he found him in…

I'd have to go with my father's second wedding. He was marrying this total psycho bitch who only showed her true whackadoo colors after Dad proposed. Complete 180. She made me create her wedding invitations - handmade paper with chopped up rose petals mixed in. I was like, 10 years old. When she failed to teach me…

Worst wedding was the dry Baptist wedding. It was so boring I'm still traumatized. It was my husband's cousin, and her dad wanted to have a signature drink and a small bar. That got nixed by the groom, who was about to start a career as a church music specialist (yes that's a thing, he has a master's degree for it and…

I'd rather do the grapefruit technique than that, yes!

Wangs aren't that magical.

One of the funniest things my college roommate ever said to me. I'd made an arrangement that if the other roommates bought the groceries (this was before Bill Parcells revealed the flaw in that system) and washed the dishes, I'd make all the dinners - after a rotation strategy had resulted in what I made followed by…

What I find really interesting that's sort of gotten buried is this:

I just read the full OTL story and something stuck out. Ray Rice comes out as the "good guy". STICK WITH ME on this one. He should have gone to jail. However, he owned up to the horrific thing he did immediately, showed remorse, and genuinely wanted to do better for his wife and for kids who look up to him.

What if a person who was undereducated about the effects of alcohol got wasted and beat the shit out of someone you love without really realizing it, and felt bad about it afterward? Would you use that as a teachable moment and help them grow as a person?