6'4", 250. Evasive enough to make a fast retreat. Wears school apparel.

ITS A SCREATER.

So all penises are actually God's penises. Are they physically on loan or are they only metaphysicially on loan? Like, do the true, platonic forms of these penises still exist somewhere outside of the cosmos while we're using them?

There have been an estimated 108 billion human beings born on the earth. If we assume a…

No, this is a home for a penis.

i wanna really talk about how problematic he is but he said penis so many times and said it was god's penis that i can't do anything but sit here and try not to giggle maniacally.

Clearly you never heard the parable of the homeless penis.

What is this motherfucker smoking? I thought the headline was just like a facetious summary of what he said for clickbait purposes, I read the article and I find... nope, he really said it, and he seems to really mean it.

The internet has introduced me to this whole new emotion I like to call, "bewilder-rage". It's…

haha I guess. I'm looking for an apt right now, so I'm totally a dick.

"Though you may believe your hand is shaped like a home, it is not."

At our core, aren't we all sort of like a man wandering the streets looking for a house to live in? Which is to say, dicks?

uh, Erin, sometimes they wear pink gloves for breast cancer awareness so who's the REAL lady-hater, huh.

I used to write a column for Portland's alternative weekly about my adventures driving a cab at night. I thought some of you might enjoy the first one:

I drove a cab in Portland for a few years, where cabs are dispatched, rather than flagged down. I had SO many women ask for my cell number, so they could call me directly. Dancers in particular, had horror stories of guys trying to get, umm, alternate payment.

It's almost as if gay people can be gay without it being a huge defining trait in their personality and/or storyline.

I'm a master of passive agression. Though I do get into flame wars from time to time.

This is exactly why I don't use Facebook. That way I get to live in a fantasy world and pretend that my casual acquaintances and old friends don't have a bunch of stupid, awful opinions about stuff.

I straight up punched a fundamentalist pastor bastard in the face on the FSU campus one time about 18 years ago - nope I was not a student - just went there that day to see someone (as I was a local) and this red jacketed shit head br0ther jed was going off on his schpiel and I just walked up confronted started…

Back at the turn of the '90s, around when Operation Rescue was beginning to gain momentum and make life difficult, there was that "Chain of Life" thing where a bazillion antichoice freaks would make human chains all at a certain time on a certain day.... One morning, I woke up to find a line of a hundred antichoice…

As much as that sign pisses me off, it's the 19 year old pious college students whining at the patients that irritate me more. "We will help you!" Such utter bullshit.