I’m finding it hard to think of a joke for this story.

My baloney has a first name, it’s c-o-n-t-r-a-b-a-n-d

Fuck this woman. Fuck fuck fuck this woman.

I figured this thread would be full of people making bullshit excuses for these people and look at this. I was right! White people absolutely love the idea of being able to say this word and really don’t give a shit anymore.

Batten the hatches, incoming white feminist swarm. Set condition Becky throughout the blog.

and Karlie Kloss is, once again, involved in a racism controversy. Surprise. She and her best friend White Aryan Princess Taylor Swift are sure perfect for each other.

Reminds me of the time there was a skunk running around our neighborhood with a jar stuck on his head. No one dared help it, which my dad turned into a lesson about the damages of a bad reputation.

This exactly. That cat probably went absolutely apeshit, and it would have been like trying to pry a mayo jar off of something while dozens of contaminated razor blades are swirling around your hands.

I assume this is evolution in action:

“I do not mean to disparage Ruggere’s compassion or mock her attempt to help a feline condiment fiend, but how do you let a cat with a jar on its head get away once the jar is in your hand? Seems like as a human without a jar on your head, you have a huge advantage over the cat whose entire world has been supplanted…

I am now thinking I need to write a sitcom. Weekend at George’s.

That could turn into a quality sitcom.

Maybe George is some sort of Special Deputy and goes undercover in crimes involving funeral parlors.

Hmm, a product of dubious medical utility that reinforces stereotypes and preys on insecurities, I expect that they’ll sell like hotcakes.

You get it. It’s kind of like if Weekend at Bernie’s and a game of hot potato had a baby (named George, who nobody liked).

I was RAPT until the end. What a tale! Thank you!

I’m going with this scenario.

This was so weirdly entertaining, thank you.

Is “George’s family was not at all fond of him” on the list? Maybe they just dropped him into someone’s bag on a crowded bus, starting a chain of wacky re-deposits that ended on your path to the chicken.

That is a possibility that had not occurred to me. I had thought of (a) a “scattering” where the box had been put in a little boat and sent off to sea, with no-one realising the box would float because they hadn’t taken the bung out; (b) a burglary where the criminals had grabbed wildly, discovered their horrible…