My ex spoiled it for me, because I was a girl and I didn’t have a playstation 1 yet so obviously I didn’t play video games, RIGHT??

Damn it Joe, keep hands to thyself, and say “I am sorry, I did not mean to be a creepy ass fucker. Peopling is new and hard for us when we adopt our meat suits. It’s easier to express ourselves in reptilian.”

White people. Like my Aunt’s husband. We found him watching it one day. It was brain rot levels of dumb. I guess it's soothing to some wypipo's souls?? Idk.

My cousin, who my Mom helped raise, and i, both independently got my Mom opal necklaces for Christmas one year! They were different so she eore them both and was tickled. Haha. XD

I’m allergic to fish so it’d kill me so... probably yes buy no. Not really. 

I accidentally bought a vibrator that I thought was a back massager for the white elephant game this Christmas and had no idea until both my fiance and Mom went “Oh no, Pixie, that’s a vibrator. You CAN’T bring that to Christmas!” And proceeded to laugh at me hysterically.

Beautiful! I love it!

Great so... he looks like a fucking clown, he just needs white face makeup.

Okay but when it has like 5 heads and God only knows what medical conditions cause I am all sorts of fucked up don’t say I didn’t tell you so, Paul.

Fuck this woman. Fuck everyone like her.

OR maybe they liked George and his last request was “disturb the shit outta someone by leaving my ashes on a random path. Plant a GPS in me, and see what happens.”

Maybe it was his favorite path and they went to spread his ashes, but suddenly clowns came out of the woods, scared the shit out of them, and they dropped poor George whilst escaping?

Do you have the dead boyfriend’s ashes too, or just his dead Dad’s?

That’d be Ron Paul.

I asked my Fiance as soon as I saw it WTF was going on and we IMMEDIATELY started trying to figure out what the HELL was happening with our hands.

Just show your husband the picture, and he’ll be like “Holy crap, let’s test this.”

Why didn’t she change her name to Sister Poisoner since Charity is sooo last religion?

I’ll admit it is a bit sexist, but I don’t mean to be. I’m basing it on the fact I’ve spoken openly, and honestly with s lot of guys, and women on the subject. I don’t think porn should really be viewed as a shameful or upsetting thing, everyone has things that turn them on, and most guys are more wired visually.

Here’s the thing, when my Mom was in the hospital, no idea if she was going to live or die, my vagina was turned off. I had no sex drive, no urge to fuck, no desire.

I’m pretty sure had I tried to force a finger up there, or did anything, it would have hurt, because forcing a vagina open without lube is painful.

You are…

Okay so, the ways people can die from this? Super fucking bad.

Once a neurosurgeon works on you, a lot of times NO ONE ELSE will fucking touch you. Especially if you have a shunt. This means you might die, unless they get the chance to hand your case over to someone else. It is a pain in the ass. Neurosurgeons do not…

My Aunt was born on April Fool’s.

She literally tells everyone to call her Aunt Devil.

She had a she-devil tattooed on her arm for a while, then got it covered up. With a weird skeleton chick...

When people run in to us from her and my Mom’s childhood, they ask Mom if she’s still mean.

She’s done all kinds of terribad…