The irony of it all is that Petrino had just finished building a new shed to house the bike. Now I guess he'll have to raze 'er back.

Heh.

Nice try, but the wife dragged me to see Detlef Schrempf in Coriolanus and it was simply awful.

Very nice.

Sadly, Andy Pettitte is still aligned with Do-not-tell-o.

What an ass. He's always going on and on about how great his girlfriend is at playing the skin didgeridoo.

That's fantastic.

Boy, now I'm re-evaluating what Waugh meant when he said he wanted to give Brutus Buckeye a little head.

"Hey, so, uh... that means you have an extra meal that's just gonna go to waste, right?"

Well done!

Ha!

DJ: Gentlemen, let's welcome Cimarron to the stage! This little lady may look sweet and innocent, but she loves to be ridden until she's garnet and gold in the face!

"Shit. I guess executing three wives trying to impress those damn Brits was a waste of my time."

Brilliant.

WARNING: Do not use on broken skin

WARNING: Keep away from open flame

Not to be outdone, the Pittsburgh Steelers will also be introducing their new cologne: "Eau de Towlette."

This is so much classier than the video that shows you how to make a dildo out of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Fantastic.

"Over 40 yards in the wrong direction? Impressive."