Working at a fast food joint, the manager was a really nice man who did charity work with immigrant children on the side, was endlessly cheerful, and so on. I’m working drive-through. Customer orders his food in heavily accented English, and gets abusively irate when I ask him (politely) to repeat his order. I’m…

I can honestly say that in this case the best way to have her learn is to help her get away with it. Our corrections system is not built around rehabilitation, it’s built around punishment. And people really don’t learn from punishment. Putting her in jail, derailing her life, would have increased the odds or more…

We don’t need to guess. The proof is in the pudding. She turned her life around and is now a productive member of society. Had entered the correctional system she would likely still be caught in it. Your idea that getting thrown into prison rehabilitates people is demonstably false and naive. It does the opposite. It…

Got a bunch of stars for this story on an unrelated Kitchenette blog. Worth reposting:

When I read the headline I thought they had somehow inducted the Atari 2600 version of Pac-Man and I thought “Oh god no.”

Mark, I agree with every damn word of this article, which is not something I always say about your stuff. Breast cancer patient RIGHT here, used to have a fantastic rack. Not even a tiny bit charmed by this thinly-veiled BonerQuest dressed up like cancer awareness.

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

Jesus, each of these stories should have ended with a scalding bowl of soup to the dick for the men involved.

Family. Business.

You’re right. You seem like a caring dude. When you bring home flowers, pour her a glass of wine and say, “Why don’t you sit down while I put these in a vase for you?” That would be well received, trust me.

I’m waiting for the “Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board” challenge.

You mean like the fuckwits who enter the restaurant and when asked “how many?” look around at their nonexistent companions and say shit like “I think it’s just me!” or tthe asshole who replies to your drink query “liquor”. Even THOUGH YOU ARE AT A FUCKING DENNYS AND YOU KNOW WE DON’T HAVE A BAR WE GO THROUGH THIS…

weeded out? out of the weeds? what the fuck does that mean? are you talking about being high on marijuana? cuz i don’t think that’s how you say it.

“till I’m out of the weeds.”

I wish you had emailed me this, it would’ve been a great revenge story.

I really wish I had enough submissions to do a “Customers Who Think They’re So Goddamn Clever.”

Pizza guy, there at the bottom? That guy is my fucking hero.

I have two suggestions:

Yeah, i thought the same thing, they are probably both different versions of the same story. I doubt either is the "original" though. They may both be derived from an even older tale.

I would like to see Wes Anderson direct any of the Baba Yaga stories. Anjelica Huston would make a terrific Baba Yaga.