I mean, I don't know if In Touch saw Beyonce perform at the Grammys, but her curves are doing JUST FINE, HOT DAMN.

My fiancé's 10 year old daughter said that she wants to be his valentine, so I suggested that he take her out on the 14th. He and I are going to celebrate by going out to a fancy dinner on the 15th, which is fine with me because we're going to miss the crowds.

Oh my bad. I'm not fully versed on the rules for stupid things.

Budweiser absolves their responsibility after you buy a 12 pack and go driving down the road.

Then why shouldn't we arrest liquor store clerks who sell alcohol to people who go out and drive drunk? Get alcohol poisoning? Destroy their lives by drinking too much?

No nipples? The Red Hot Chili Peppers were all topless! (Don't tell the FCC.)

*whispers*

Hopefully, she's on my team, which is Team Olivia and Mellie Work Together To Bring Fitz Down Because He's Worthless, Then Go Drink Wine. (We're working on a snappier title.)

Seriously, fuck the Bachelor franchise. A special all about how a couple can't wait to bone the night away and a LIVECAM OF THE BED is totally innocent and pure, but the mere idea of featuring a gay bachelor is perverted.

Holy smokes I had no idea Ben Harper was hot.

Her name's Marlise Munoz. I realize Twitter has limited characters but I regularly see her name omitted in favor of "brain dead pregnant women" and it bugs me.

At 18 weeks my husband and I learned that our fetus had Dandy-Walker syndrome (basically missing half of his brain and presence of cysts/fluid) and limbs that were measuring weeks behind. After consulting with the top doctors at the Columbia Center for Prenatal Pediatrics, we opted to terminate. The part of his…

Fixed his hat.

Which, when one is under 21 and in the US, is illegal. So there's that.

Mariah Carey as the 21st century Dickens? I like it.

UGH 'gifted'. There are smart kids and yes, gifted ones exist. Most of those smart kids will level out in time though. Or in time as subjects grow more complicated, it'll show they're gifted in some areas but not others. I don't think the solution is shoving [or privately insisting to your child thankyoumother] that…

Ain't she supposed to be married to Jesus? The baby better be his.

• Dodge & Burn, $10,000 for a decent photograph of anything

Ciara! don't let Jenny near your baby!!!11!!!!