I donated to planned parenthood and then got a lecture from a family member about dead babies. So I donated again, double my original amount, in said family member’s name.

The thing is while my Dad is Republican, he’s really more libertarian. Socially liberal, fiscal conservative pro small government. He’s an intelligent man. All of my friends were asking how is your Dad voting. I didn’t ask much after the grab them by the pussy thing, but I assumed as the father of daughters who were…

It feels like my Dad is gone, that’s how it feels. I never expected this.

Friend to friend, if you put a small piece of toilet paper in the water before a violent poop, it breaks the surface tension of the water and prevents “Poseiden’s Kiss”.

I’m sorry for your woes, but thank you for the laugh.

I had a similar experience in Thailand, when my travel constipation finally collapsed beneath the strain of a week’s worth of some of the spiciest food on the planet. I was so ashamed of what came out of my body.

That is the purpose of poop.

I wish you had looked. I would want to look.

A star for making me startle the dog with laughter. Hope you feel better soon.

I am really, deeply sorry for your troubles, but I also want to know I am shaking silently from laughing so hard, so know your pain was not truly in vain, for it brought this stranger temporary joy.

Yesterday I finally managed to choke down six ravioli, so now I don’t just need to constantly shit water and blood. And my face looks fucked up. For some reason one of my eyebrows has swollen up like there’s a goddamn grape under my skin. I don’t just look puffy-eyed and blotchy, I look misshapen. And that’s not even…

This is very timely.

Anybody else been gassy? I was so gassy at work yesterday that when some guy was being a colossal douche I would pass by him and quietly cropdust him. Seriously I did it at least four times over the course of a day.

Mine are awful, and I’m hardly eating to begin with. My asshole burns like like it has a hot poker in it. I threw up three times on Wednesday too, one at 1am before I tried to go to sleep (heh!) and then twice during Wednesday proper.

Also:

I’m happy I’m not single bc I would start every date with “so before we order any apps or drinks, I have one question.... did you vote for that shitbag?”

These election results have definitely killed my sex drive. Am I not the only one?

me rn:

I’ll say it again: just make sure you’re not fucking someone who voted against you.

How about the ladies just stop fucking Republicans?