It comes down to the “who came first” rule. If your prospective spouse has pets, they are part of the package, non-negotiable. On the other hand, if you are married/in a long term relationship, your partner has veto power over getting any new pets. This should be in the Constitution.

Wow, we really should have had this conversation before I moved in.

I do not dismiss his fear. I know it’s very real and it’s a tough one to deal with. Which is why I think he has got to get help for it. Dogs are a common thing to encounter in the world. He doesn’t have to marry this woman and he doesn’t even have to ever LIKE dogs (I like dogs but I can see why a person might not),…

I beg to differ. I don’t especially like dogs or other animals (although I’m more tolerant of cats). I don’t have any animal-related trauma. I have made it 54 years without harming any creature larger than an insect. Even then, I try to put insects out of the building instead of killing them. I just don’t enjoy being…

When I hear about couples who get rid of a pet once they have a baby just because it’s too much work I always wanted to respond, “Oh totally! That’s why I got rid of my toddler once we had the second baby, made things sooo much easier.”

Phobias and trauma are real; it’s not like they don’t exist, and not every single person in the world has to adore dogs/swimming/public speaking/cake/whatever.

By ‘dogs’, you actually mean ‘cats’.

As a general rule of thumb, going into a relationship expecting that your partner stop loving something important to them and instead love you to fill the void, is not a good idea.

“until he said she needed to get rid of her two dogs and get therapy for her “dog addiction.””

I had some sympathy for the guy until he said she needed to get rid of her two dogs and get therapy for her “dog addiction.” Even if he agrees to get therapy, she should seriously dump this guy. Asking someone to get rid of a pet for your casual comfort is a huge red flag for me and speaks to their huge lack of…

To me, the dog issue is neither here nor there; your response to it, on the other hand, is hugely telling.

How can a guy be that self absorbed though? Like I want to marry you but if you keep your dogs I’ll dump your ass. Seems legit haha. I don’t doubt you know them though. I probably do to.

Same here. I’ve known one person who had a crippling fear of cats, due to being attacked as a small child. I can understand how someone who’s had a similar experience can make pet ownership a relationship dealbreaker.

I guess I don’t get it, if the guy hates dogs, why would he date a woman who has two? And ask her to marry him? Guy has to love my cat, cats are permanent, men are temporary.

The letter writer should go get therapy, and the couple should put their wedding plans on hold until they make a decision about how to handle this difference. Under no circumstances should the fiancee be expected to get rid of her dogs — she’s made a lifelong commitment to care for them.

Why would ANYONE want to marry someone who can dispose of a lifetime commitment when it becomes inconvenient for someone else?

Dog people are annoying and generally trend towards irrationality, especially when they start comparing their animals to children. That being said, you can’t expect someone to get rid of their pets because you don’t like them. How did a relationship between two people on such opposite ends of the spectrum get to the…

This is absolutely not on the fiancee to fix. The dogs were a pre-existing condition, so to speak, and OP knew this going in. You don’t give up dogs like they’re furniture that doesn’t work with a new house or something. This OP needs therapy, which s/he should have gotten years ago (since dogs aren’t exactly…

I’m trying really hard to work up some empathy and see this dude’s side of the story. Like maybe if my wife owned an army of spiders that had to roam free and she couldn’t part with them.

The man just told you she has two dogs. I’m assuming she’s had them while they were courting and before the engagement. And now he’s being all “It’s me or the dogs and you’re crazy if you keep them.” on her.