Did anyone else really hate Train wreck despite loving the rest Amy Schumers work? Or was it just me? Is it just cause I hate romcoms in general?

What? You guys obviously are nubes. You just sit on the edge and pee. Like a toilet. But higher up.

I refuse to believe there is a single adult alive who hasn’t peed in a sink. You can say you haven’t, but you’re a liar.

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?

Lavigne is dead. Long live Lavigne.

Awww, how did I forget about Simple Plan? I remember going to see them years ago and falling deep for Piere(?), looking back now I realise he was essentially a somewhat rocky Bieber with a dodgy haircut.

I can’t tell if this is a true fact or a shady read but I love it and it made me cackle.

Proof that I married into a non-organized crime family: one of our wedding gifts was a picture crafted out of various-colored corn kernels, courtesy of Uncle Howdy and Aunt Eleanore from Dubuque.

When I was in 9th grade, I met a girl at a church dance that I was obsessed with and then spent the next two weeks calling her every single day. I took her to an Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan concert where I tried and failed to even hold her hand. She started dating someone the next day. That afternoon I called into…

And the Bride worn Pnina Tornai, of course.

Fuck it, I don’t want a mouth full of grease/oil. That’s why I blot that bad boy, not because I want to delude myself into beleiving I’m some how saving myself calories.

Don’t tell me how to live my life.

Can we ban handguns too while we’re at it? Most firearm-related homicides are committed with handguns.

Quick, Congress! Do nothing!

how did Deadline get a hold of my OK Cupid profile

And you can always trust their recipes! Sometimes it seems like the stuff they’re telling you to do is pointless— BUT IT’S NOT.

My mom gave me some leftover frozen scallops. I forgot to put them in the fridge and left them in my car for 10 hours. Cooked them, ate them and survived.

I have chicken stock going in my slow cooker right now. It isn’t pretty, but it’s going to be pretty tasty tomorrow, when it gets turned into actual soup.

Snacks for dinner is one of my favorite dinners. For me its like a few olives, 3 diff kinds of pickles, maybe a pile of kraut (moar picklez), 2 pieces of cheese, some pretzels or chips, maybe some pistachios. Then usually I’ll consume over the course of drinking 2 ice cold alcohol units (beer? white wine? rose? gin…

Me too!!! I was so incredibly confused.