If true that I hogged the mic at my friend’s karaoke birthday party, and in fact sang so many songs that I was the last person in the room while a nice man turned on the lights and began clearing our glasses, that would be unacceptable behavior—but I’d need to know who your sources are.

AB, should I pickle roasted marshmallows?

The truly amazing part of this story is that it took a teenage boy more than four strokes to finish.

Co-Anchor: Oh wow! Haha seems like Natalie’s having a hard time with that chip! Hahahaha. Hang in there Natalie!

It’s ironic because her husband has a body that’s double the weight it should be.

I do a great job of blocking

I think Charmin Sandiego is a better name than The Mad Pooper.

“Circled” Jerk

Circle Jerk

None of you fools recognize a good ol’ fashion Covfefe when you seen one?

He doesn’t think the adopted child will think of him as a father, and he has a hard time thinking that child is his.

I desperately want to believe all of this.

I don’t fucking care if saying this makes me an asshole! I think this kind of lukewarm take is fine I guess!

according to the lawsuit, filed on behalf of Lewis and Clark...

Or am I just lacerated genitals here?

Hey, Robin Ventura once had an 0-41 streak his rookie year.

I smell rivalry. Can’t wait until the next time these two teams meet.

I accidentally spit on my phone laughing at this

Unbelievable. That guy must absolutely hate Russell Wilson.