“Writing under a deadline to make the first “brian kelly killed a kid” joke is stressful”

yeah, but I was on a time crunch to get this joke off ASAP. Writing under a deadline to make the first “brian kelly killed a kid” joke is stressful lol 

BRIAN KELLY: Geez Cierre! Killing a kid? How could you! What would make you do such a thing? 
CIERRE WOOD: [through tears] I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU! 

I get it, man. Waiting on lab results is a harrowing experience. 

I’ll chalk you up 

Bledsoe caught the ball, he should not have been removed from the game.

McCarthy was like a father to Aaron.

[Rob Thomas looks at the score]

The fairest solution is to rotate restaurant selection among the four of them. While it might seem assholish of Emily to not like the food at the restaurants the group picks, it’s assholish of the group to never pick a place that will make Emily happy.

Oh well in that case...

How wonderful for your basketball fandom and your birthday that someone was either raped or falsely accused of rape.

If it’s not true will you agree to get run over by a car?

Pretty sure boycotting Subway is its own reward.

...attorney and fellow wrestling coach...

The number of people who didn’t get this pun could fill the entire ocean under the moon.

How do you smash a TV with a bat and not face charges or something immediately afterwards? This guy must be Smooth as hell

You, me, and Gwen, apparently. God I love that show. The fact that it isn’t streaming on Netflix anymore is upsetting.

The woman who called 911 was named Corita Jackson. 

“Don’t quit on talent,”