4 bedroom, 2100sqft, with garage, front and back yards, covered patio for 1350/mo. 30 minutes from Dallas, 30 minutes from Ft Worth, 10 minutes from DFW Airport.

I gave up drinking and drugs (religious reasons). What vice should I take up to help me get through the next 4 years?

I bet he’s refusing to get off his couch at the moment.

Tom Cruise was reportedly considered for the role but God had to intervene. Apparently, he couldn’t handle the anticipated influx of prayers.

Enjoy your pearls.

Drew works from home.

“First Trump, now Phil? These white guys sure love that p-word.”

and the next 90 minutes of studs-up tackles, shoving matches, and flopping were a great reminder of what makes this rivalry great.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh…

My only problem with #1 is the pain. My most hated person is an ex who I never minded having sex with in the first place, so whatever.

I’m about to start seeing a therapist for the first time in my life. Should I tell my wife? My mother? The Deadspin staff?

Trail of Tears, 2016 edt.

*crosses fingers and prays for a photoshop contest*

Unless it’s Dr. Pepper.

When I die this is how I want to be buried. Except in a 1991 Acura Integra (first car) and Dr. Pepper instead of Coke (Texan).

Cricket still does it better.

How could you leave out John Leguizamo?

Doug, don’t be that guy.