Hey, c’mon, any time you get a chance to work with Alonzo Highsmith you just GOTTA take it.

Why does everyone think that when the aliens come, they’ll try to sneak around and not get caught? They’ll probably just show up one day and start blasting.

“This just in, Robert De Niro’s GETTING bombs instead of MAKING them hahahahaha”

Englewood, always up to no good.

Each week the Browns are not the Ass Team of the Week is a victory. 7-0 baby! NEVER LOST

Let’s be honest, the Raiders HAD to trade Cooper to free up a roster spot for Rae Carruth.

I don’t see Garfield anywhere on this list.

I give myself a little cut each time I shoot a kid.

Chalk erases, bumper stickers peel off, and t-shirts eventually wind up cleaning up oil spills in the driveway. I can’t imagine having to be reminded every single day for the rest of my life of what shitty taste I had when I was 24. 

Easy. Remember how they said that one of the signs that the timelines were all screwed up was that Blake Bortles was good? Well clearly the timelines have been restored.

Hockey is the best.

When my son was a freshman in high school he told me his offensive line coach suggested he wrestle, and I both laughed and wretched. Four years later he was a conference champion, and I will tell everyone that I was completely twisted around on the sport. The lessons he learned about hard work and discipline carried…

The single restaurant he can still go to, is it Cracker Barrel? I bet it’s Cracker Barrel.

Dear DC,

Adam Sandler + Jerry Reed = GOLD

Dammit, I had Laos in the pool. So close.

Oh well, now he can go play for the St. Louis Cardinals, as God intended.

As part owner of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, I endorse this comment.

“..technology is just killing me, man.”

Tony Todd is the only acceptable Rocketman.