Good Lord we’re living in Patton Oswalt’s Parks and Recreation monologue.

Goddamnit I walked right into that one.

HOT TAKE: Henry Cavill wasn’t a terrible Superman.

Queen’s Flash Gordon soundtrack is all you need.

The A.V. Club turned into eBay so gradually I hardly noticed.

Did someone say....Die Hard?

Would I buy this for a dollar? No, I would not.

Pretty sure this is how it started for Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

I don’t want to get pedantic, but if he was still paying her is she still a “former” prostitute?

Fuckin’ consumer advocacy, how does it work?

Now it’s Cedi’s time to shine!

I want to fight an entire continent right now. I don’t care which one, fuck it.

Titles the Cavs have won since Mozgov left: zero. Just putting it out there.

Does this mean that prosecutors dropped the other 5 manslaughter charges?

CRAIG JAMES NEVER PLEADS!

Oh no, I’m still digging out from that time we all pooled our money to bid on that Wu Tang Clan album.

Thank you, dipshits, for making me take AT&T’s side.

Dammit, beat me to it. I was just about to say “sonofabitch, that’s Quatto.”

I’m praying to Allah that an episode of COPS centers around the Aberdeen Police Department’s arrest of Courtney Love.

Jeanie Buss poses naked for Playboy. LeBron James likes to look at pictures of naked women. What do you need, a roadmap?