I watched the clip and it quite honestly brought tears to my eyes. His horror and rage and frustration was so damn raw. I just can’t even imagine how he feels.

wut?

I am wondering what else the doctor tried before he settled on “Jenny McCarthy’s half-brother with bad shirts.” But I have to figure he knew he hit it out of the ballpark the second he landed on this one.

I find this Deadspin list woefully lacking in “Getting hit by a bus.”

How much water must one drink to heal a fracture?

I had a long diatribe, but I deleted it for it being too wordy. I’ll leave this:

That’s the teardown required to top off the windshield wiper fluid.

Like anyone would want to R her.

And people eat it up as evidenced by whoever is clapping. “Fuck yea I’m seeing a wreck!”

I remember about a decade ago, I decided to make a real go at trying to teach my dad how to use the internet. I tried to explain what Google was and how he can type in whatever he wanted to know more about and how you click on the links that appear and how to click the “back” button to go back to the original page…

I don’t understand. That story was written as though there are Dunkin Donuts toilets that are not clogged.

OH GOD WHEN HE CUTS OFF HIS TIE OR LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA AFTER HE GETS OFF THE PHONE FROM TELLING DWIGHT TO PUT IN THE SUBS AT THE VOLLEYBALL GAME

“Wisconsin is finally worth noticing.”

I’m still boycotting Wisconsin until Brendan Dassey gets to watch Wrestlemania.

Tom Brady feeds people boogers full of anti-inflammatories and the anti-inflammatories make people healthier even though they have to eat boogers and everyone on the Patriots won’t eat a tomato but they will eat a whole handful of boogers Tom Brady gives them because he’s a star and they’re not and you have to do what…

“But all my discounts for A&W are in there!”

- The National Anthem before NFL games

Since 45 minutes have passed and you assholes are all obsessed with pickles ... fuck Penn State.

I LIKE IT A LOT.

Someone on twitter just said that FINALLY someone said what everyone has been thinking, and I was like, “Um, plenty of people have been saying this shit. The difference is Em is white.” I mean, it helps...and he damn well knows it.