These guys only complain because the new rules have teeth.

This is great, we have so much extra flexibility with the money we got back from Johnny’s bonus!

If you don’t penalize for reaching across the table, I’m taking Manute Bol as my beer pong partner. He’d just reach across and drop the balls into the cups. He would also probably have some great stories about not being alive anymore.

So this is going to sink faster than the Titanic, right?

Nah, I’m good.

I wish you’d spend more time writing about boxing.

That’s an incredibly inaccurate description of Yoenis Cespedes, and a particularly uninformed one. There’s no way that applies to Cespedes. Numbers in baseball, as we know, can be misleading, and I think you're selling him short here. He’s at least 32.

Reminds me a lot of Ricky Williams, seeing such a promising career cut short by grass.

Now I am not one for snap judgments, but Tomato Slice Pizza?
You are clearly the worst person in the world and you can go straight to hell, madam! *Unleashes Counter-Measures*

Always some sort of drama happening with those Gilmour girls

I can sympathize, I never scored when I was in high school either :(

Goddamn psych majors.

“...that’s the way this amateur sports league is set up. We’re supposed to be having fun, but all the money is in these basketballs that colleges play with. But it’s an amateur sport, we’re just here for fun. It’s not really that serious. So I guess any ball should be OK. [...] But in this amateur sport of college,…

This thing is not ok

The teeth of the comb are like the branches of government over his hair. There are too many of them and they hold too much power when it comes to shaping his coif.

Why do libertarians hate combs?

Well, at least it’s not the worst thing to fall out of a Bengal’s pickup truck.

And to think that this is merely the first of two interviews the Cowboys require before signing a player.

Fuck the HGH investigation, I want to know when Peyton Manning started injecting Don Knotts’s DNA.