I think you're missing his point. He's not saying that that's a small amount of money for a family member to pull out from between the sofa cushions. What he's saying is that it's a pretty small initial investment to turn into a multi-million dollar empire. I might be able to lay hands on $34k if I hit up my whole…

I hope you're right, but I wish I'd ever had that much blind faith in anything.

I've come to realise over the last few years that while all parents say that they want for their children to have a better life than they did, very few of them actually mean it. The idea that their children might NOT be as financially crippled as they were terrifies them.

Dude, you have to tip them. You think they put grass on the table with what they earn here?

Other than the presumption that Hillary would have increased the prison population, how is she like Selina? You're talking as though it's self-evident that they're supposed to be the same person, but the only similarity you've mentioned is hypothetical.

Sure toots, ya look great.

She'll have to work very hard to top last year's "I'll send the IRS so far up your husband's colon that you'll wish the only thing they found was more cancer."

Yeah, Amy's been stuck making the same wide-eyed clenched facial expression for most of the series. I really enjoyed the line "They're fucking her in the ass? I have to see this" - it's not witty, but it's fun seeing Amy rediscovering her potty mouth, and enjoying how uncomfortable it makes Gary. I think it's the…

How so? Jerry's a nice guy that has the worst luck and everyone inexplicably hates. Jonah's a despicable guy who inexplicably tends to land on his feet. Doesn't that make Jonah the opposite of Jerry?

Some places don't take reservations more than a couple of months in advance. Otherwise every dickhead banker in the world puts himself on the list because he wants to prove to his date that he can afford it, and the clientele just gradually becomes 100% wankers.

Hey Donald, Miranda Hart called! She wants her bit back!

"To me, economics is like the Dutch language: I'm reliably informed that it does make sense, but to be honest I'm beginning to have my doubts."
- John Oliver

Addendum?

Oh, right. That does make sense. At first I was wondering how the scriptwriters imagined a paintball had a "casing" with an explosive charge like a real bullet.

I'm only 5 minutes into this episode so far, but my first question is: what the hell is a "paintball casing"?

Oh honestly, since when has anyone given a second thought to that dusty old piece of law?

That's the problem with flame wars…

He doesn't come across like an Alzheimer's patient, but he maps pretty perfectly onto every symptom of dementia. Alzheimer's patients realise they're forgetting things, and it's scary for them. Dementia patients are more like people in a dream - their memory's full of holes but they don't notice. Think of the scene in …

"Get back to us in a year about that."
- The UK

As a former employee of the NHS, this sounds depressingly familiar. The NHS either don't budget for recruiting enough permanent staff, or the staff they do hire aren't competent, so then they have to double their losses by hiring temps and agency nurses - who obviously cost much more - to do the work they already paid…