Such women can bring out the worst in insecure men

Say, have you heard my new Outlaw Country song "At Least Cocaine"?

I don't know. There aren't that many handball fans in this country, I don't think.

Well to add to the ick factor, Mosaic law never specifically forbids father/daughter incest.

That's debatable. Paul says something about women giving in to "unnatural passions," but Paul's a dick and pretty much didn't want anybody fucking, so "unnatural passions" could mean "enjoying sex."

The FUCKING PREACHER got the FUCKING MARRIAGE LICENSE signed without us present. We had already planned who we'd have sign as witnesses, so we were pretty surprised when he asked if we were ready to "reenact" the signing for photos. I mean, who does that?

Because being tasteless is good mosquito repellent?

After I saw a Wes Anderson movie in college, I started being a pretentious ass.

I don't really agree: dumbasses are usually really happy being dumbasses and uneducated. But they are also subject to peer pressure, so if enough asses get educated out of dumbness, social pressures just might have a chilling effect on these kinds of attitudes.

The knitting community mostly bitches about people who don't appreciate hand-knitted gifts.

Both of my boys (4 and 2) have skinny jeans. I'm not a fan, but they seem to enjoy wearing them.

My thought would be to have a swarm of wasps next to the batters box. You can still step out of it whenever you want, but you have to stand in the swarm of wasps.

Meanwhile, the NFL's practice of "stopping the action every ten seconds for a five minute committee meeting" will continue unabated while people continue to insist that baseball is "boring."

Okay, I'm going to have to be that guy: Aren't there undernourished actual children in this country — to say nothing of the rest of the world — who would benefit from this a lot more than bodybuilders?

Actually, this is what I would look like if I shaved my mustache and took off my glasses.

Anger Management was cancelled? I remember when hearing a lot of commercials for it on Pandora a few months back and wanting to smash my phone to bits when they came on.

They left out [batman symbol] for batmansexuals and þ, for þorsexuals.

To quote Hipster Mr. Freeze, "Icy what you did there."

I've only seen two movies that came out in 2014, The Lego Movie and The Boxtrolls and both of them are clearly better than any of these other movies that I haven't seen. Also, why the fuck was "Untitled Self Portrait" (i.e. Batman's Song) from the Lego Movie nominated for best song? That's the best fucking movie song…

Yes, but they are examining the breasts and vaginas of women even though they are not those women's husbands, which is clearly worse than ISIS.