for a minute i wanted my okcupid username to be "notyourMPDG" but then i figured i would have to explain it to all the sriracha-netflix-vonnegut-loving brooklyn bros what that meant and okcupid is already frustrating enough

i'm not entirely sure what a bacon fried oyster is (an oyster fried in bacon grease?) but i'm 100% here for it

appropriate:

10/10 would watch......... on mute

when it comes to gas stations and cheese related food products this is infinitely better/more important:

hey blake:

nope, i'm hella wrong and can't figure out how to edit damn you kinja

yeah, this was during the femme fatale tour it wasn't that long ago lol

i see your tom hanks and i raise you an alunageorge

are michelle and zac both bearding each other????

great, now i'm going to be thinking about this song/shaving my legs all day. (this is obviously jewel's crowning moment)

oh fuck outta here with all of this usual "beach body shit" but this in particular makes me want to punt a small animal. THEY'RE ALL JUST NOT STANDING UP STRAIGHT.

can this be used to just save all of one person's tweets? (not my own)

fire your PR team, robin thicke. they should not be getting paid to do this shit.

10/10 could get it glad he agrees with my right to BC for our sexytime adventures

guesses on how much sloan's contract was worth? i'm thinking the equivalent to 1 or 2 of kylie's cartier love braceletes

i sense a B-plot for orphan black????? we already have the tilda swinton base joke...

got my IUD at my follow up appointment to my abortion. two of my better decisions in life.

engagement ring goals

people that would take advice from brody jenner are probably the same people who buy duane reade sushi