Now THAT’S a friend. Sees you get into stranger’s SUV and follows to make sure you’re alright.

Ladies and gentlemen, Hope Ann Greggory

He only paid for the first. After that he concocted a speech to get the girls to pay for it themselves under the guise of empowerment.

There’s only a certain level of smug a simple photo can convey, and this pic in particular should be the high water mark. Shit. Even his suit thinks it’s better than you. His haircut is calling the entire Earth “babykiller”

I can easily envision Jones sweat-slobbering those words. His face as red as a rugburned ballsack. Ugh. He’s the worst. I’m still mad at Richard Linklater for legitamizing him.

“No one is HEALTHy and I don’t CARE. That’s my definition of healthcare.”

Based on what his potato salad semen actually created I’d argue that his genes are on the sketchy side.

They sacrificed 500 chickens for the Garden State soundtrack

Hannity has no shame, sense of decency, or honor. He is convinced he has all three in high supply, though. The voices in the shadows told him so. Those darn voices are super supportive of him.

I think he’s always been militantly right wing, but all of the zaniness you mentioned drowned it out.

Trump also told a half-eaten sandwich that it was on the list, because it resembled the profile of Adolph Hitler

Now that Jones has put that insanity behind him he can get back to reporting on valid stories like “Sularian Lizard Operatives Working For The Democratic Party Have Been Caught Fingering Buttholes In Burger King Ball Pits. Please Bring Your Assault Weapon To Your Local Burger King And Fire Indiscriminately.”

Bad parenting

Just started Breath Of The Wild this afternoon. I was skeptical about actual voices in a Zelda game when I first heard about it, but having experienced it I must say it’s a welcome addition.

I take comfort in the fact that Michelle Bachmann is sobbing right now; her tear streaked face buried in the bubble gum pink silk of her husband’s sleep robe as he strokes her hair matronly.

Oh please. Putin’s hand is so far up Donnie’s ass they share a pulse. All of his denials are such obvious red flags. People elected someone with zero subtlety, zero empathy, zero self awareness, and zero humility. Which is why he hangs out on Twitter, regurgitating Fox garbage. He’s not his own man. I seriously doubt…

Pam

Instead of Trump we had Biff as president, so it’s almost identical. I guess it goes to show... the theory about time adjusting itself to preserve the future is not too far off.

The Bach Boys are so classic.

Chuck is so aggressive about his feeding times he probably has mastered CPR on humans. Seriously, in his mind I only exist to cuddle, feed, and play with him.