This reminds me of my favorite Demetri Martin quote:

IM THE TATTOO STORY!!! I can’t believe I got onto BCO!!

Remission of Love

Who wants to bet this is the first time someone has regretted their cancer recovery?

THANK YOU. If there are so many blonde hapa people walking around, then Cameron Crowe could have easily cast one of them for this dummy movie.

For everyone commenting with anecdotes about their Hapa friends/relatives/dog walkers/random persons: NOT THE FUCKING POINT.

“and then, once he’d left the store, [I] scrubbed the counter top down with a metric fuckton of disinfectant.”

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

“And if you pause here, you can actually see his heart break.”

I squeaked, said, “That’s four pounds seventy”

the squib Weasley brother

Reminds me of Merrill Markoe’s bit about why we shouldn’t look to supermodels and actresses for beauty tips—what advice can they really offer besides, “Next time you’re born, try to have better looking parents”?

Hard to be politically correct and courteous when you can die any day of the week.

The loudest person in my building is an upper white class male.

“No it’s cool because we said ‘African American’ instead of ‘black,’ which means we aren’t racist.”

The essay mentions masturbation, but it feels like a different kind of stroke was involved in writing this...

You want to be a part of society?

Killing a donkey is not a great way to start a marriage.

Oh man. I raised livestock for many moons and goat placentas have this weird mocha/purple color that I always thought was neat. When I painted my bathroom and the paint dude asked what shade I was looking for I just blurted out ‘goat placenta’ before realizing that’s something a crazy person would say :/