Probably because she's not sorry.

This is awesome! Where is it from?

No thank you!

That is the creepy part! Billy isn't supposed to be happy, clearly evil is afoot.

Ever since the "Conscious Uncoupling" I've imagined Chris Martin tearing through his house like Kevin McAllister. Jumping on the bed with his shoes on while cramming circus peanuts into his mouth, screaming "Oh Gwyneth!!! I'm watching porn and eating high-fructose corn syrup! Better come out and stop me!"

babe babe babe babe babe!

This reminds me of the uproar and controversy that happened when my high school yearbook dedicated no less than 10 pages to my tireless efforts as a Blockbuster Video clerk.

Michiel Huisman fans should watch Orphan Black then! Seriously, watch it! If that show gets canceled I'm gonna burn stuff to the ground.

Is it weird that NuDaario doesn't do a thing for me, and yet I think Cal from Orphan Black is the hottest man on the planet? You know, what with them being played by the same guy and all.

Rebecca Rose, I refuse to believe that this is your favorite version. This exists, and contains 100% more Tom Hiddleston:

If you ever have daughters you'll have much bigger fish to fry than Disney.

I laughed so hard.

Gwyneth Paltrow would probably mistake my middle class suburban home for a refugee camp. And she'd probably be all Goldie Hawn in Overboard about it. "Ahn-drewwww! These gnats keep landing on my wet nail polish! Am I supposed to just walk around with their little corpses stuck to my fingers?"

I love you.

Haven't refugees been through enough already?

Well, I can't call a 13-year-old sexy. That would make me a "person of interest."

Yeah, joyless. I can feel joy watching any number of films that contain depressing material and violence, but Haneke leaves me utterly cold. It feels like nihilism to me, though I doubt he'd describe it that way because it's so cliche. But the man is no Werner Herzog. Take films like Grizzly Man or Rescue Dawn —…

Well, I know how I'm wasting time at work for the rest of the day.

That's interesting, because when I think of children getting abducted and tortured, I immediately think of Michael Haneke, whom the Cannes critics routinely line up to fellate.