There's no way. I'm pretty sure he was claiming to be 30 during the first season of Jersey Shore, and even then I wasn't convinced that he wasn't celebrating the 5th anniversary of his 30th birthday.

Clearly this is a plot cooked up by the pay phone companies, to strike fear into the hearts of cell phone users and return the Pay Phone to it's former glory.

Oh my god! Poor sad freshman Eddie is Prince Oberyn? Mind blown.

So, I asked my friends that hosted the party, they are super into that kind of stuff. (In our neighborhood, we call the dad Mr. Wizard.) He's totally *that* dad, you know the one. This winter, while the rest of us were making half-assed snowmen with our kids, he was building giant ice forts, complete with windows made…

I mean, for all I know, the SW agent could have been really rude too. But as someone else pointed out, threatening to tweet should be a punishable offense. The easiest way to lose my sympathy is to pull the old "I'll be tweeting/yelping/blogging about this" chestnut. Ugh.

I have mixed feelings about Cersei, but to her credit, she gives the most magnificent bitchface in the Seven Kingdoms.

Rightly referred to? That makes it even worse! It's the cheap airline version of "Do you know who I am?" It would be like me getting shitty with the cashier at Dunkin Donuts and saying "Is this how you treat DD Perks Reward Program members?"

Just wait until he posts his scathing Yelp review.

Real nice way to treat an A-list. I'll be sure to tweet about it,

Gak is back! My son went to a "Silly Experiments" themed birthday party a few months ago, where they made their own with Borax and Elmer's Glue. They all went nuts over it.

Lila Fowler, is that you?

Once more, not a lingerie party. "Lingerie Night at The Eager Beaver." Just let that marinate for a few minutes.

I tried to think of a more disgusting name for a bar than The Eager Beaver. When I failed at that, I tried to imagine the kind of person, who without irony or shame, would suggest "Hey, we should go to Lingerie Night at the Eager Beaver!" to their friends. And I came up with exactly the kind of person who would…

Are we sure they aren't just trying to prevent the baby boom which will ostensibly occur when this commercial gets the entire internet pregnant?

I mean, far be it from me to give the impression that I think I'm some kind of military hard ass. Quite the contrary. I will kill spiders without a hint of remorse, but I'll do it in the most sniveling, least competent way imaginable. If we're making comparisons, I'm the Joffrey Baratheon of spiders. I guess that…

Totally. Logically I understand that a bear could fuck me up so much worse than a spider could have, if it wanted to. I'm not claiming that there is any kind of logic here, when I see a 300 pound bear my knee jerk reaction is "Aw, he's kind of cute. Go 'head Mr. Bear....those are your strawberries!" and yet a spider…

No weapon forged....

Sometimes I have this idea, to impale the corpses of all of the spiders I've murdered on little toothpick pikes and line my porch with them. To serve as a warning to all of their friends in the garden who might otherwise think it would be totally fine to come on inside and crawl across my fucking ceiling.

I have no idea why. I know it's not rational, at all. A few weeks ago there was a fucking bear in my backyard. A huge-ass black bear 10 feet from my kitchen window eating all of the strawberries in my garden. Still not as scary as the time there was a really big spider in my bathroom.

Every baby is a blessing until it becomes a burden on the taxpayers.