Kelly Preston and Kate Capshaw AND Lea Thompson AND a robot with a speech impediment in the same movie? Ring a ding ding.

:: slaps thigh twice, makes finger gun ::

All the best on your next celebrity wedding sideboob fail piece that you’ve been working on for the last month. Start clearing space for that Pulitzer now, Mr. Murrow.

Those people are idiots. All they want is to see what they typed up on their screens. They don’t care about this person. They want to piss someone off and yell at someone in authority because that’s what all kids want to do. They want to gang up on whoever is supposedly in charge and tell them they’re wrong because…

Yeah, I imagine they’d be pretty blown away by it.

You kids run along now. Daddy’s got work to do.

Seeing as Washington plays in FedEx Field, the request appears to have been a game-changer.

I saw one of their t-shirts in Dallas airport and could barely believe what I was seeing.

“Are you tellin’ me that this green-haired dude broke into the Commissioner’s home, shot his daughter, and then tortured his ass? I will never understand white people.”

Are there MEMES about this yet? The kids love the MEMES, so surely there must be. Where would the world be without MEMES.

I much prefer ‘fingerbang’. Far more childish.

I’ve been putting off playing a section because it creeped me out for like a week. Just got through it, and then there’s another one that’s even creepier just like it almost immediately afterward. Thank god for daylight hours.

Research is for olds, man. The kids love limp swipes at Disney to get their hackles up, so why should he make any effort to do anything but?

This week on Sam’s Upset About Something...

Cop Rock: Gotham

“I’m 14 and have never been outside past 10 PM by myself. Surely I can solve this mystery that federal investigation teams are having trouble with.”

Yeah, same here, but it took me a minute. At first I didn’t even realize that the dude she was banging was her sister’s husband.

I’ve never had better Indian food in my life. We go to this international grocery store called Nations, too, and their food court is amazing. All kinds of different stuff for super cheap. I love finding weird new stuff in grocery stores. I had no idea what a ‘cheese bong’ is before I went to Nations.

From what she says, it’s not terribly difficult to get the permanent residency thing started. That’s my next step for sure.

“yall see this???,” said one Twitter user, in response to the ongoing criticism the VCSD has faced for assuming Rivera’s death. “THEYRE LOOKING OUTSIDE THE LAKE CAN U STOP ATTACKING THEM NOW.”