I sincerely hope that Jace and Kelsi find a way to work things out, because I’m truly curious what they would name their children.

Weird, that’s exactly — I mean *exactly* — like me.

“Actually, I’m choosing to die upon this knoll, thank you”

And here I figured Burneko’s pet peeve would be using a single word where 5 or more could do. 

I’ve never been on LeBron’s show, but I did once have a pretty stern conversation with my step-son at a Fantastic Sam’s.

...but his move kicked off a series of USMNT players, still in their prime, returning to the U.S. to play professionally: Michael Bradley left Roma in 2014 for Toronto FC, Jozy Altidore left Sunderland in 2015 for Toronto FC,...

Pretty sure it was not in El País, must have been La Cebolla.

If he presses back we’ll just tell him that it’s a mark of respect, and we polled the fuckhead population and they’re 90% okay with it.

Francesa reminds me of my father. And I’m older than Francesa. 

I yearn for the days when the upper crust simply patronized the arts, instead of butchering them personally.

That...actually doesn’t look all that appetizing. It looks more like whale blubber than a steak.

“Entertaining” and “irritating” have very similar syllables and vowel sounds. I understand your confusion.

I’m no math major—nor, clearly, are these lawyers—but I think “a minimum of 1,500/2,000” is better termed “a minimum of 1,500.”

What happens to his mom and dad’s graves now??

Yeah well play basketball in Boston during the Civil Rights era and that’ll happen. 

Doctor, you must be getting ready to do a stool transplant with that kind of shit stirring.

Because once you allow that, then the next thing you know players with doctorates in Biology or Chemistry will insist on being called Doctor. Which fine, I can live with that. But next thing you know people with doctorates in say History, or Philosophy, or god forbid English Literature will insist we call them Doctor…

or ICOGNITO. We know you are there, idiot.

“Fie! I say FIE! On the idea of associating Italo-mongrels with the white race”
-Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, 1874

I have a treatment for Sex Pervert if any producers are in the thread!