Dunlap will receive such a large settlement that WWL will roux the day.

I need movie reviews these days to answer one question: Is this movie better to mostly ignore while I watch it on the iPad in the kitchen, or better to fall asleep to while I “watch” it on the couch after the kids go to bed?

Um, dude had his hands up. That means “I’m open!” Center simply didn’t lead him enough.

“I wish it was Sunday, because that’s my fun day.”
- Not the Bengals

I hate the fucking Cardinals, trying to win a division they aren’t even in. 

Hey, don’t hate on Urban. That’s the look of a man who worked deep into the night grading papers for his ethics and leadership in sports class and has earned the right to watch a little ball on Saturday.

In the wallet, ‘cuz women be shoppin’, eh eh eh?

“But for the safety of everyone involved, please do not make the life threatening mistake of watching baseball w/ a woman who is having her monthly lady time. It will only attract bears. Or 30-50 feral hogs.”

Disclaimer: My brother sent me this. I did not make it myself 

If you see something, and you have the savvy and insight of a psychiatrist, say something.

“IT, for constantly unlocking my computer”

“Listen to better podcasts, centrist bitch”

Not really, I don’t think. Fantasy sports gives your sports-watching the edge and rooting interest that gambling does, but without the losing the house and the kids’ college fund part. It makes you care about that Hurricanes vs. Blue Jackets afternoon game in November, because you’ve got Pierre-Luc Dubois on your…

some people ought to make this into a game for computers or something

Ideally we can get rid of the major league games too. Just analyze the swings of each team’s hitters, the spin rate of each team’s pitchers, and declare a champion.

Two thoughts competing in my head:

Old guys have been saying analytics will kill baseball, and I think even they would agree they were talking metaphorically. This dude is literally advocating for less baseball games because analytics don’t even need games to get the numbers. So I guess all the old guys yelling at clouds were kinda right?  This asshole…

I really prefer these modern, hip preachers to the old guys mumbling in Latin.  

I don’t think they’re going to Vegas in a “down on my luck, nothing left to lose” way. More in a “haven’t been relevant in 30 years so I guess I’ll do a residency at the MGM” way.