Well, you should have pondered the time before committing the crime.

PENGUINS AND AMY POEHLER?!! FOR REAL THIS TIME?!!

FUCK YOU ANIMAL KINGDOM! YOU'VE GOT SOME NERVE! Making me...feel...stuff...

Are these hems supposed to be obliquely cut or am I tripping again?

Ah, so pretty much a standard baby comedian then. Thanks for the info :)

Ok, question for the theatre nerds here. Every time you see this dazzling duo in these particular hats, does your brain scream "THEY'RE WEARING THE GODOT HATS! THEY'RE WEARING THE GODDAMN GODOT HATS!" on a loop? Is this normal or should I seek the appropriate help?

Oh right, I probably should have mentioned I was talking about the Chris O'Dowd thing. Would appreciate an answer to this though - as far as you knew him, what would you call him - dear or dick?

I'm sorry. I was too busy...bowing down to the magnificence of that mighty bow...

NO SHIT?!!! SERIOUSLY?!!! You wouldn't joke about something like this now, would you? That would be downright cruel.

Aw shucks now, ain't you just a peach!

Or you know....a snake. Ha. HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!!

Then you turn to Bennybatch. He's the only one I really trust. Or, given the incalculably low possibility that you should find him...wanting (honestly, woman, is there no containing your appetites?), you forfeit and choose from the pool of other lanky ginger specimens with cut-glass accents. Firth? Seriously?

Mr. Darcy and Burt forevaaah, y'all.

Seriously, THIS is what just made my Christmas.

The Colbert Report has a great one too.

Someone PLEASE find a gif of Jenna Maroney declaring - "My vagina is a convenience store. Clean and reliable, and closed on Christmas."

As has mine with the thought of Crazy Old Uncle Joe losing it at 'giant queefing snow-woman' XD

Take me with you! If jokes like that aren't welcome in this tent, I'd rather perish!

To that end, some people [*cough* me] have developed a strategy of being mean to people we love as a sign of affection in order to differentiate ourselves from the over-complimenting masses. Does this sarcasm as affection, as my colleague Madeleine Davies calls it, lead to confusion? Absolutely.

Well, at least we'll know exactly where to run from for a few hours.