Ok...America...I like you. I really do. Historically, politicially, culturally, even topographically - you are one huge, interesting motherfucker. So please understand how much it pains me to tell you that, at least in my opinion, Florida is just the worst. Just. The.Worst.

Ok, I do take your point on wanting to render the word value-neutral. Having said that...it's still something that grates on me. Example - My dad, bless him, was asking me a question about a TV character (Mags Bennett on Justified) and he's dreadful with names and characters in general so after the usual verbal…

You do understand that if you don't haul your ass to the BBC and do your damndest to get this show on screen...I'm going to be very pissed off indeed? You get that, right? Good.

He really said that? Well...fuck. Why are you doing this to me, witchbitch. Why.

WHY? Why do people get me emotionally invested in their apparent all-round awesomeness and then open their fangflaps and DISAPPOINT ME?!!!!

Don't really know how to say this without sounding creepy so...fuck it.

Right? May as well hire a hypnotist.

So...he's literally, and completely unironically, looking for a fictional figment of someone's imagination. As in...someone who literally does not exist.

Hey man, far as I'm concerned, this is a judgement free zone. You have your erm...proclivities, I have mine.

Oh ffs...this is the 'Sexiest Man 2013' skedaddle all over again. Benedict Cumberbatch? Tom Hiddleston? Alabaster Adonises crowned with waves of molten flame! Seriously, what rot-encrusted-caves have these people been hibernating in this past year?