Ok I admit this post made me want to check out some of this stuff. So I went to FitTea’s website - and their homepage is JUST CELEBRITY INSTAGRAM PICS WITH THEIR TEA. I feel extra dirty now. Deleting my internet history.

I can’t anymore.

Yes! If we can just get the media to call it the Sharia Law bill, or something just as frightening to GOPers, then I think it would die. Who wants to be known for voting for that? Even their really dumb constituents would hate that.

There is at least a good chance the band won't show. Especially without the open bar.

I’ve actually seen a rise in same-day video editing, especially among the younger couples. Also the wedding video drones. I think this is because Kids These Days always have their faces in their fucking phones and they can’t experience real life unless they are streaming it. They watch the ceremony through their…

What impressed me about that movie was Amy Adams' expert use of boob tape.

Actual Text Conversation last night with my boyfriend:

Ah yes, the part of the GOP platform everyone forgets:

That one pirate is carving a dildo, right? Or am I a perv?

A ten year old who wears cologne. I don't understand it and therefore I do not like it.

Goldfish tend to jump out of their bowls in the middle of events, as well. Those centerpieces are never really animal safe and the fish try to migrate. Little tiny suicides all over your wedding. Awesome. Go for it.

Bathrooms should be broken into only two categories: Poopin’ and Peein’

Mine's made of burritos. We should schedule a play date once they both have all their vaccines.

No but she figured it out when we both ordered bottomless mimosas.

My boyfriend has been keeping the drinks coming all day, so it's all good now, I guess.

Our waitress smiled at my belly and wished my boyfriend a Happy Future Father’s Day. I am not pregnant.

“Wow you don’t look Mexican at all” - Worst first date ever. And that’s counting the guy who took me to his ex wife's bar.

maaaaaaaaybe ;)

I don't know, I had the opposite feeling. I have very fair skin, but enough Native American genetics to easily qualify for scholarships. But I didn't grow up with the culture, I barely know that side of my family. I would have felt guilty for suddenly claiming that lineage just for some monetary incentive. I do have…

I used ivory and peach, since that's pretty much all they had besides red.